Brianna Kuebler: 7 Tips on Learning How To Live Apart
- Updated: January 18, 2017
“If you want to live together, you first need to learn to live apart.” –Anonymous
Jake and I hadn’t even been dating one month and he was already packing his bags to report to Spring Training in Port St. Lucie, Florida. I remember him telling me, “I couldn’t leave Nebraska without making you my girlfriend.” I was mostly feeling flattered, very excited and, to be bluntly honest, downright scared.
Let me explain…
I wasn’t scared because I was doubting that it wouldn’t work out. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I had never had feelings this strongly for a person that I had just met. It was like we were just beginning to get to know one another just in time for him to leave.
And, just in time for me to start getting creative.
Creativity is key to surviving and thriving long distance relationships. People in LDR’s can’t enjoy even the simplest things that ‘normal’ couples get to enjoy. For an example, as silly as it seems, working out with one another. Or, holding hands in the car. Or, going to the grocery store and cooking dinner together.
As hard as it is to be in a distance relationship, it can easily be simplified. Here are 7 tips and tricks that Jake and I exercised while he was away, to make our situation a little bit easier to handle.
1. SEEING DISTANCE AS AN OPPORTUNITY.
An opportunity to grow professionally – It is OK to stay an hour later at work than usual (and not feel guilty about it) a couple times a week. You are unable to come home to him so it’s a great opportunity to do something positive in your professional life.
An opportunity to grow mentally – Read a great book, start a diary or do something that is good for your intellect. The months that Jake was away, I have picked up hobbies I never thought I would enjoy and I found it to be very therapeutic.
An opportunity to grow physically – One beautiful thing about distance is that it gives you an opportunity to be selfish for yourself. I have the mentality that the next time Jake sees me, I want to be better than the time he saw me before. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and professionally as well.
2. COMMUNICATE CREATIVELY & DIFFERENTLY.
Jake and I wanted to get creative when it came to how we communicated. In the digital world that we live in today, it is so easy to pick up your phone and send a text message or FaceTime. But, we decided to go the old school route and start a notebook that consisted of handwritten letters to one another. It gave us something to look forward to and we liked the traditional approach of handwriting our love letters.
3. COMMUNICATION & TRUST IS KEY.
I have said it once; I will say it a million more times. In any relationship, there are three essential components that need to be present: trust, communication and compromise. I believe If you do not communicate, it will be tough to last. If you do not trust, it’ll be impossible.
4. DON’T PLAY THE VICTIM.
He already feels bad enough that he is far away, do not make him feel worse by letting him know all that he is missing out on while he is gone. You know what you signed up for when agreeing to be in a relationship with him – if it is too much for you to handle, maybe this scenario is not right for you.
5. KNOW (OR KINDA KNOW) WHEN YOU’LL SEE EACH OTHER NEXT.
In Professional Baseball, I have learned that it is hard to know exactly when I would see Jake next. But, have a general idea and plan a trip or two to visit. You may not know the exact dates, but have a general idea of when it will be. PLEASE NOTE: Do not buy your ticket too far in advance, I learned the hard way when I purchased a ticket and Jake got relocated elsewhere.
6. MAKE TALKING WITH ONE ANOTHER A PRIORITY.
I always knew that I would be the first phone call after every one of Jake’s games. Of course, I would be listening or watching his game live so I was aware when the game got over. Jake always made it a priority to call me first as soon as he was done with his post-game routine.
7. SURPRISE EACH OTHER WITH SOMETHING THOUGHTFUL.
I would send Jake care packages randomly of items that he missed from home. Cookies from his favorite local bakery in Lincoln, his favorite candy, pictures of us, gift cards to Chipotle or Starbucks, etc. Basically anything to let him know that I was thinking about him and he always appreciated the extra effort I put into doing that for him. I also send him “Open When” letters so he could open them throughout the season. Some of them included: Open When: You Miss Me, Open When: You’re Sad, Open When: You Had a Bad Outing, Open When: You Had a Good Outing, Open When: You’re on your Way Home, etc.
So many people look at long distance relationships as difficult, inconvenient and impossible. Yes, there are times that it can be very difficult. The good majority of the time it does feel inconvenient. At times, will feel impossible. But, when you are with the right person, it will always feel worth it.
Our View From HOME, will share the stories from superheroes behind the professional baseball players as they chase their dreams. These amazing women hold down the fort while having the ability to be supportive, and also the strength to do it all alone. HOME is where the Heart is.
Brianna will share her point of view of her journey with Jake in the feature - Our View From HOME.
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